One of the most common characteristics of successful people is the ability to overcome problems. A few years ago, when I worked at a consumer goods multinational, we wanted to hire a celebrity to represent our brand.
To assist in our choice, I had the opportunity to analyze a report containing information on a few well-known personalities showing what consumers thought of them. I remember being surprised with much of what I saw revealed in the document.
Some famous people had very negative assessments while others were very well assessed. I tried to identify what they had in common and it became clear that the ability to overcome, or not, problems in their personal lives directly affected consumers’ opinions of them.
An actress who had gone public about her fight against cancer, went through radio- and chemotherapy and finally overcame the disease, got a very good assessment. A singer who had lost his wife tragically and after a long time was still seen to be unhappy, worn out and incapable of overcoming his unhappiness, was seen in a negative light by the public.
If there is a common link between your life, my life and the lives of those consulted in the survey, it is the certainty that life brings and will always continue to bring problems and adversity. Regardless of how difficult it is to overcome them, we will somehow have to deal with them and solve them. Much more than a belief or common knowledge, we know that for a fact and can’t deny it! Hence the admiration we feel when we see someone who was able to overcome crises and difficulties.
Learning to deal with adversity is what defines you as a person and makes you who you are. With each problem you overcome, your confidence grows, as well as the certainty of being able to deal with whatever life throws your way, good or bad. Moreover, crises are unique opportunities for personal learning, and your ability to overcome obstacles enables you to achieve a new level of awareness and perception of your own life.
It is for these reasons that the ability to overcome obstacles, problems, adversity and crises is so important to your life and as well as personal and professional success. To help you on this journey, I’d like to suggest a few ways to overcome your problems and develop that personal ability. I have used many of these tips more than once throughout my life and will definitely do so again. Enjoy!
Problem solved (Photo: South_agency / iStock)
It may seem obvious that you should first of all ascertain what the real problem is before trying to overcome it. But in practice, that’s not how things happen! Depending on the crisis, you will already be completely overwhelmed and in despair, trying to solve it without even really knowing what it is about.
I suggest, however, that you do as we learn in engineering school: take a step back and define the problem. What exactly is it about? What is it not about? What are the limits of the problem? Who is involved? Is it something severe or chronic? Is it big or small? What is available for me to solve it? And so on… Answering these questions is essential in order not to waste any energy or effort.
Sometimes, you go round and round trying to understand what brought about the problem – more specifically, who caused that unpleasant situation. As my grandmother always used to say to us ironically, “everything becomes easier when we find a guilty party”. The truth is that this is not always relevant and only diverts us from our main objective: to overcome the crisis. More importantly: you often don’t need to understand the crisis in order to get out of it. My suggestion is not to waste too much time on this. If the answer is easy to find, great. If it’s not, forget about it!
Dominoes falling (Photo: relif / iStock)
Once the problem is identified, focus all your energy on solving it. Don’t waste time mulling it over in your head, talking with those nearest to you, especially when you feel guilty about what happened. This solves nothing, and you still run the risk of people around you getting sick and tired of you and distancing themselves. Dedicate yourself totally, heart and soul, to getting the problem solved! That is what will help you and will make you feel better.
If you are a psychologist, you can skip this part, because I’m sure you know what I’m talking about! If you are not, here’s a golden tip: the real problem is one thing, where you can touch, feel, see and discover facts about the situation. Another thing is what you fantasize about the problem, which is not based on reality, but is filled with emotions and assumptions. It seems real, but it is not.
You know that story about the little mouse in front of the flashlight, whose image projected onto the wall looks like a frightening monster? That’s what I’m talking about. It’s one thing to chase the little mouse away (real problem), another is to imagine you’ll have to face a terrifying monster (the fantasy).
The same happens with your problems. Problems are often smaller than they look. What inflates them is our amazing ability to fantasize about them. My suggestion is: spend your energy on solving real problems and control your fantasies. They won’t help you here!
You are a human being, and like everyone else, tend to think that the present is forever. When you’re all good and happy, you think that this feeling will be eternal. When you’re feeling miserable and unhappy, you also think it’s forever. But in both cases, that’s just not true!
Life is a cycle alternating good and bad moments. Remember that when you’re going through the bad times, ok? They come and go, and you will not live like that forever.
I remember some very distressing moments that I went through a few years ago. Back then, I had the impression that I would never be happy or go back to leading a normal life again. When I saw people walking the streets at lunchtime, talking and laughing, I would think “I wish I could be like them, but I’ll never feel like that again”.
Time went by, the crisis was overcome, and I DID become one of those people! I think that’s why I do everything I need to do in my neighborhood on foot. In addition to feeling good and kicking inactivity aside, who knows, maybe I might serve as inspiration to someone going through what I have!
A very useful tip that may help you to have creative ideas to solve your problem is to try to examine it through a different viewpoint. Think of a person you admire and respect. Now, ask yourself how this person would deal with the situation that you are experiencing. What would they do to overcome this crisis? Use them as an inspiration and prepare to be surprised with the answers that will come up. Even without actually talking to them, this reflexion will already help you a lot!
Getting help (Photo: PeopleImages / iStock)
The case mentioned before the tip is to get “imaginary” help. Here, the suggestion is to seek real help. Sometimes a crisis is too great to handle alone. Sometimes, you lack the necessary isonomy or competence to pull out of it. Whatever the reason, there are a lot of good people around you to help you: friends, family, spouse, pastor, priest, psychologist, doctor, coach, consultant. The list goes on. To resist seeking help out of pride will only do you harm. On the other hand, to reach out and ask for support will be the opportunity for someone to do good for you. Both will come out winners!
It has been known for thousands of years that every crisis, problem or adversity is an opportunity for growth. I have heard this advice in the middle of a crisis and my initial reaction was to wish I could “eject” that person from my sight. But after a while, with a cooler head, I realized that it makes sense!
You don’t have to enjoy being involved in a crisis, but if you think about the lesson that each one of them will teach you in life, you will definitely derive something good out from it. In addition to that, you will feel less tense and more relaxed to solve it.
It’s not possible to control, solve, or do something about everything. If this sounds like your current adversity, the only thing you can do is to accept it and move on. This is very common with incurable diseases such as Alzheimer, for example. Unfortunately, there is no way to solve the problem. In cases such as these, to accept the unacceptable is the first step towards starting to focus on other things that can mitigate the situation.
This happened in my family when we discovered that my grandmother suffered from this condition. After the initial shock, we focused our energy on ensuring the best possible quality of life for her. It is what we did throughout the nine years between the disease being identified and her passing.
Identifying the problem and finding a solution can take time. It’s no use wearing yourself out to the hilt until it happens. This often happens in job or career changes, for example. Sometimes the current situation is very bad, and you go through a daily suffering ritual. Overcoming the problem, however, will demand planning and performing many actions, whether you resign or stay in your current job. Your resilience and perseverance will be critical for you to get out of adversity and bounce back.
Cover photo credit – Worried woman (Photo: PeopleImages / iStock)
